“say it. say, i am beautiful. say it like you believe it, like you should.”
people pass in and out of our lives. you can know someone for three years and scarcely remember them. you can know someone for two weeks and love them. you can meet someone one night and somehow they make a huge impact. and they probably will only vaguely remember you. but that doesn’t really matter.
i never really believe people when they say i’m beautiful. i assume there’s some ulterior motive. well, not necessarily ulterior. although generally i think when boys say it they are just trying to compel me to sleep with them. when my friends or my mum says it i assume its out of obligation. i can think of specific instances when somebody has said it and i believed it.
once my mum said it, and they passion, the conviction she said it with; i had to believe her. the sadness- why can’t you see you are beautiful?
once this guy said it. “i think you’re beautiful.” the moment was perfect. wonderful. it all got very complicated in the end. we don’t talk anymore. but that i believed he thought i was beautiful… well it catalysed in me a new found confidence.
a month or so ago i met this irish guy in newtown. he was the one who wanted me to say i was beautiful. people know if you don’t think you’re beautiful. rarely do guys you meet at 2:30am at bars on a wednesday much care. he was very sweet. he comforted me because i ended up quite upset, since we had an in depth talk. i also got that once from an english backpacker. not the crying part. the saying i seemed too shy, that i was gorgeous and i should let go and have fun.
i hope one day i will say, “I am beautiful” without a silent except for this, and this, and this. no qualifiers. no, beautiful inside maybe. i don’t think i’m ugly. i’m just… afraid? i don’t know. i’ll always be insecure. most women are.