Monthly Archives: January 2009

TOMORROW

tomorrow!

TOMORROW

FUCKING TOMORROW

tomorrow is the much much much anticipated day when i move to sydney. every so often i’m like fuuuuuck, i’m scared! i’m terrified! but mostly, 99% of the time, i’m like holy shit this is going to be amaaaazing. its so exciting! it only really set in today, i kind of started crying.

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saw ellie for the first time in… a year! so good! fuck i love that girl. kewlest kid i know. it was weird, it was like we hadn’t even been apart, and even though we’ve both been through significant things that have surely changed us as people, we were just kinda… it was like old times. it sucks i’m missing her 18th and that she gets back just as i leave though.

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i’m impressed that this guy i met taught himself spanish merely because he was bored. and then he was trying to teach me but i was way too drunk, and then i think he was getting me to say dirty things in spanish.  i was slingin’ back vodka, lime and sodas literally all night. and i got given some dudes whiskey and cokes ha. a lot of dancing on my part occurred.

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its all so exciting, but i know its going to be hard leaving my friends and family behind. but the thing with ellie affirmed that when you care for people then even distance doesn’t have to necessarily mean the end of a friendship. and i think it’ll be a good thing to meet new people, go new places, and be reminded of how special what i’ve had is. and have stories to tell the girls! but i will miss them so much.

alanah, sam, emily, ellie,

I LOVE YOU ❤

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there was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

so i haven’t posted photos in ages, thought i should.

back from when i was in newcastle

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this is the artist that accosted me… it was very awkward.

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i’ve walked past this creek thing a ridiculous number of times, and have always meant to take a photo of it. something about it always strikes me, especially when it has been raining or its overcast. and the day of this was, i guess, significant? walking into town as per normal, to clear my head, and fuck i did.

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i take for granted having my dinner cooked most nights. i take for granted having most things in my life done for me. it hit me, being sick, i’m not going to have my mum around for all the shit she does for me; the washing, the centrelink forms, the advice, the old “no, don’t wear that, it makes your arse look huge and you have a tiny arse! yo got some junk goin’ on in that trunk”. haha i love her. its going to be so weird! i’m going to miss her so much!

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they’re sad and young, and they’ll be sad and young forever

9th jan 2009

“are you happy right now?”

“yes.”

“no, i mean, in your life, right now, are you happy?”

“…yes. yes i am.”

so i realised, i am extremely happy with my life right now. soon i will be in sydney, as i’ve waited for, for so long. but even now, i’m doing things that i’ve been wanting to do for a long time, but couldn’t, physically or just mentally; things i wasn’t brave enough to do. things that don’t particularly garner much approval from my friends, which i understand, but things that make me happy.

wanting to be a writer, i think life experience is necessary. yeah, you  can write by living vicariously, but that doesn’t compare to being able to write authentically. hubert selby, he is my biggest inspiration. he had such a fucked up life and took that and wrote about fucked up things, but made them, through his own experiences, and his inner strength, and his innate talent, really beautiful.

my biggest fear is mediocrity and just the mundane. give me the fucked up, the crazy, the stupid.

this song epitomises, to me, the kind of life i dread.

cat power- ‘fate of the human carbine’

Thinks of money all the time
Doing it to annoy her
She’s on his conscience day and night
So he acts like her employer

They all come and peep through a hole in the wall
Keep the bastards guessing

He likes to take the long way home
It’s another fine decision
From six to seven he’ll be all alone
So he turns on televison
Doesn’t even notice as the hours roll by
Gets lost inside the screen
Watches the film about the evening sky
It was someone else’s dream

Oh come and peep through a hole
Keep the bastards guessing
All come and peep through a hole in the wall
Just to watch his heart undressing
They all come and peep through a hole in the wall
Because you look so impressive

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i spend too much time listening to indie pop and reading fashion blogs.

favourite song of the moment is ‘milk is politics’ by the deirdres, so damn catchy and fun! actually, this might be tied with ‘homeless club kids’ by my favorite, definitely have to find more of their music! they’ve got this great 80’s sound; this song just makes me want to dance (well, drunken sway dance in any case) while holding a cigarette in one hand and a glass of vodka in the other. the lyrics are really… i don’t know, they’re beautifully melancholy, i love it.

“homeless club kids” my favorite

When the dance floor’s full all the kids look so beautiful.

When the dance floor’s full all the kids look indivisible.

The disremembered stars of architectural disasters.

The disremembered stars as bright and lost as fireflies in jars.

Do you really want to stay amongst these starving stowaways?

Do you really want to stay lost?

When the dance floor clears, I take a pack of matches as a souvenir.

When the dance floor clears, I walk home alone with their voices still in my ears.

The ghosts of dead teenagers sing to me while I am dancing.

They’re sad and young, and they’ll be sad and young forever.

And I cry until I throw up.


also partial to ‘moscow nights’ by the feelies.

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